With Roots Like Stone.

Aka
Shaking the Family Tree.
“It's a family affair, it's a family affair
It's a family affair, it's a family affair
One child grows up to be
Somebody that just loves to learn
And another child grows up to be
Somebody you'd just love to burn
Mom loves the both of them
You see it's in the blood”
~Sly & the Family Stone

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.”
~Alex Haley

Part IV – Family

I had the great good fortune of spending ten days with my family while in CT. This spanned the generations; from my nine year old nephew to my ninety-four year old grandmother.

It’s amazing to watch the circle of life, as my nephew and niece look forward to lives rich with promise, they are smart, kind, funny, thoughtful appreciative kids. It won’t be long before they are facing college at a potential cost of about a million bucks for the two if they wanted to go to say, NYU. (This year, tuition is around $37,000 and room/board about $18,500—the projected $400,000+ accounts for 7 per cent inflation.)

Yikes. I can’t imagine making that kind of money in my entire work career. And thanks to non-profits, retail, and layoffs that’s probably pretty accurate not-imagining on my part.

**Caution – DO NOT READ THIS BLOG IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF TRUTH. I, I…
oh dear God, no… I am human**

“Time makes you bolder, children get older, and I’m getting older too.”
~Stevie Nicks, Landslide

I went to my niece’s D.A.R.E. graduation while I was there. It was surprisingly moving. Heck, I almost cried hearing them sing Mariah Carey’s “Hero”. The angelic voices, the great kids, and sniff sniff, there I go. Normally just the thought of Mariah Carey and her caterwauling makes me cry, but for entirely different reasons.

It was odd, sitting in the school cafeteria listening to the police officer, kids, first selectman all talking about not smoking, drinking or doing drugs. In all likelihood being attended by parents who’ve smoked pot, snorted coke, eaten shrooms, dropped acid, or in a more civilized manner *pinky extended a la high tea at the Savoy*, developed an acceptable prescription medication or alcohol dependency. Just being truthful.

But the fickle finger of fate/truth points to me too. Having used just about every drug to the shamanic point of self-destruction, I was rooting for these kids, teetering on the edge of adulthood, a time when rebellion, curiosity, diversion, acceptance all vie for time in their lives.

I could look at these beautiful, innocent children, and already I could foresee the would-be stoners, the loners, the ones who would fight their battles in the match of life. Like some bastard cross between the ‘7 Up’ documentary series and the movie ‘10 Little Indians’, I could see a camera trained on these 50 or so kids and one by one, watching them fade from the group, fade from their resolve to remain drug & alcohol free.

So what could and should be done to protect them? Educate them. Love them. Keep communications channels open. And be there to love them when the start their rebellious, experimental adolescence. Because they will.

Hey, I was a smart, well-loved, good kid. And I, with my experiential learning bent and attempts at self-medication to feel less depressed or less socially awkward, spent periods of my life drunk, high, tripping, coked out or speeding. I was very fortunate that I survived these periods and that I didn’t become addicted. Once I felt I had learned what there was to learn, I moved on.

By and large, my chemical romance was not recreational, it was more spiritual in nature, hence my tendency to keep upping the ante til I was doing heroic dosages (Terrence McKenna’s term, not mine) pushing the limits of survivability. It was not my fate to croak in this manner, I must have had more to learn and perhaps more to teach.

I’m rooting for these kids as they discover who they are and test the waters of their own adulthoods, their authentic self-determination, their own Truths.

**
“It's the circle of life
And it moves us all
Through despair and hope
Through faith and love
Till we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle
The circle of life”

In Connecticut, I also spent time with my 94 year-old grandmother and my 87 year-old aunt. It amazes me the heartache and beauty in life. These proud, strong individuals who raised our parents and raised us through our infancies, our vulnerabilities.

As life progresses, the roles shift. With declining health, strong, independent souls must struggle with limits they didn’t have before; loss of independence, fear of being a burden or worse yet, being alone. I cannot imagine how all these thoughts must swirl through their heads.

I clearly remember during my parents’ hospice experience the role reversal, caring for them as they became more and more dependant. It was so hard to watch, but such an honor to be there. The most beautiful and difficult experience of my life.

***
So, in closing, I would say my “Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” trip was about family in all its forms—my genetic family, my friends from High School & the Comet, my Simsbury friend family. All are family.

I have often wondered what I did to warrant such wonderful people in my life, my genetic and chosen family. Must be karma.

I am so lucky.

“The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.”
~Erma Bombeck