America. Fat & Beautiful.

Day Six, Keystone, South Dakota and for some God-Forsaken
Reason, 5:30 AM.

"Wake up, child! Pay attention..." ~Kate Bush, Waking the Witch

I guess I'm an early riser. Unthinkable. To wake up, bright, alert,
chuckling and as my LifeCycle cohorts can attest, unnaturally cheery
at 5 AM (or earlier!) is a gift I have often forgot that I possess.

At the more bogged down points in my life, I often haven't wanted to
wake up at all, locked in that dance of hitting the snooze bar, sighing
deeply, squeezing my eyes tightly shut, and trying SO HARD to reclaim
JUST EIGHT MORE MINUTES of dreamy bliss, eight more minutes free
from the responsibilities of getting out of bed and creating my destiny.

So why not get up and get to it? You can't post-pone the Now, as
Eckhart Tolle would say, as it's all we ever truly have, the moment
where greatness, potential and enlightenment/awakeness intersect
and occur; those things never occur in the past or in the future, but
always in the Now. Now is now, not eight fretful, sleep-grasping
minutes from now. Be here, be now, be alert, that is our challenge.

I've come to find the days where I hit the snooze bar are the days I
am going to be the least productive or joyful. Screw the snooze bar,
plant the feet on the floor, smile and rub the eye snot from your
eyes—there's haddock oatmeal to be eaten! (A veiled LifeCycle
reference, which will only make sense to only one person reading this.
I LOVES me some Cryptic...For you, dearest Smookazoo.)

So I decided to grasp the Now by the horns and write an update from
the road. Here we go.

As my time in San Francisco steamrollered to an end, I found an
increasing sense of questioning occurring surrounding my choice to
dramatically alter my lifepath and leave a spot that I had called home
for almost twenty years.

Had I made the right choice? Should I have stuck it out just a little
longer? What was I moving to? The only thing I could be certain of
was the completely uncertain outcome of my actions. And that can be
said for each of us at any given moment in our lives.

As this sense of dread that I'd made some horrible choice of folly
based on the clouded thinking of the heart grew, I found myself feeling
more stressed, less sure, shorter tempered and confused.

At this point, my beautiful friends stepped in and mirrored back that
annoying positivity that I so usually possess. "It'll be fine! You'll be
fine! You always are!" Sure, I was grateful for their faith, but also true
was a certain desire to sock them in the gut.

Again, if we are to embrace the Now and forget past or unmanifested
future, how does one know that "fine" is the adjective the Big Guy
selected for you that day?

Sometimes things go horribly amiss. Loss, illness, disappointment,
sorrow, are these "fine"? Absolutely. They are merely the Messengers
for the Message. As Pema Chodron would say, it's the quality of using
poison as medicine. Or to quote Tolle again, mirroring a view I have
long held, it is the alchemy of transmuting pain into awakeness or
enlightenment.

So, no job, no money, no leads, very short access to insurance, the
desire not to be a burden to family, the moving away from one's usual
circle of support, it all compresses into a hefty sword of Damocles
directly centered over my unusually large Charlie Brown shaped head.

I have to say, one of the best laughs I've had recently was in response
to my friend Jennifer's reaction to my choice to move. Paraphrasing
here, "Move to New York! It will be wonderful, full of opportunity and
love—or, it could be a Soul-crushing descent into despair, but hey, at
least it's a change!"

Death is necessary for rebirth. Letting go for truly grasping. I need to
remember the humor in the choice and in life, quite often. Life says,
"Lighten up! I'll happen, despite your best laid plans!"

"That concludes or reading from the Occluded Book of Craig. Let us
pray..."

So back to the travelogue.

I spent three days in Reno, NV at my pal David's. I had only intended
to be there a night, but I hadn't seen David in almost a year and
wasn't sure when the next time would be. What's the hurry? To rush
to Connecticut so I can unload a truck solo and sit in an empty house?
My impeccable timing has targeted a Connecticut arrival when Scott &
Jane are in San Diego. So, as long as I am keeping expense conscious,
what's the hurry?

This new credo firmly in mind, I decided to take a day or two detour to
visit the only three states I haven't been to. I am now at Mount
Rushmore after a full two days of driving through Wyoming, beautiful
Wyoming. The Sioux chose well. In looking around, I was struck by
the similarities to Africa—the kopjes and ungulates –okay—too high
fallutin'—the rocks and antelope. Kind of like the Serengeti except we
killed all our animals.

I just looked at the clock and realize I need to cut this short—I have a
700-mile drive today.

Impressions and fragments instead of narrative.

Reno. A Less Horrible Las Vegas. Now THERE'S a slogan! I'll give you
that one, Reno Chamber of Commerce. It's actually pretty in spots and
isn't as infernally hot. I'd go back. Not so, Vegas, a city which made
my lips chap in just 15 minutes waiting outside Caesar's Palace for
Vanessa Williams. From the television, My good friend, Vanessa
Williams... (a nod to my newest love, Little Britian...)

Salt Lake/salt flats. Eerie, beautiful. Sold out, retail convention. Didn't
stop, on to Wyoming.

Laramie, Wyoming. Butch Cassidy & Sundance Kid. Matthew
Sheppard. Applebee's with Internet.

Casper, Wyoming. No hotels and the Sturgis motorcycle rally
everywhere I go. Crappy food which makes Denny's seem gourmet.

Devil's Tower. Close Encounters, America's first national park
celebrating its centennial.

South Dakota. Saw antelope, deer, pronghorn, elk, even two wolves!
Amazing how much one looked like Nomad. Wish I could have focused
my camera faster...

Keystone, SD. Rushmore-beautiful. Big, fat Americans dressed in red
white & blue, eating big, fat, red white & blue ice cream cones. All that
was missing were bald eagles wearing tri corner hats, playing fifes.

Crazy Horse Mountain—very cool. Sioux nation—amazing. Bear
Country (fun watching Fugee looking at a bear, trembling—was he
scared, did he want to hump it or play with it?).

Today, off to Badlands, a very good park, not Badlands, a very bad
San Francisco bar. Then the western equivalent to Pedro's South of
the Border. Wall's Drug store. Free ice and signs for 500 miles.
Mmmmmm. Kitchy kitchy koo.

Aiming for Omaha or Lincoln tonight, then either Davenport of Chicago
tomorrow. A nice traipse through the tornado belt.

As I bring this overlong email to its end, I head to the only wireless
connection in Keystone. Strange that while traveling in remote Nepal,
Laos, India, Uganda and Tibet, internet access was far more accessible
and cheaper. Thank you, free enterprise. God bless America and pass
me some fiber free, lard soaked pie. Amen.

Oh, here's a travel tip. Feeling anxious in the west? Dress like you're
from Connecticut and travel with a Weimaraner. You're everyone's
best new friend.

Well, my friends and family, be well, be here, be Now.

Until the next.

Namaste/love
Craig
__________________________________________
craig hermes
http://www.hermesbrainbelch.blogspot.com
"As above, so below; as below, so above." - Hermes Trismegistus