Herpes, Greek God of Eternal Love.

Who says that stress tweaks your immune system? Poppycock. Ahhhh. I so rarely get to type poppycock. Nice.

Well a week of sun and intense exercise-that my body dealt with fine. The run? Tired but doable. The stress of my COBRA situation?

Boing.

Herpes is enveloping my head.

Today was a stressful day. I met with Ellen at the Foundation and went through the ADAP intake process. She was great--compassionate, concerned, and made a complex process fairly painless. So much paperwork. I have to admit, I felt really guilty applying for help. You know, at 45, you sort of feel like you should be able to take better care of yourself. I wonder how people who aren't highly functioning keep up with all the demands the programs require.

I went in for the ADAP intake at the advice of some friends from NY who are on ADAP. In NY, insurance premiums, prescriptions and supplements are covered under ADAP. Very forward thinking. It gave me some hope. Surely California is at least as good.

Fat chance.

ADAP will save me $60 in co-pay a month. It helps. But that still leaves me nearly $800 - $1,000 a month out of pocket--as an insured person. $550 for COBRA, $150 for labs, $40 for office visit co-pay, maybe $150 in supplements. How can people do it?

The advice I've heard is that I would get better assistance if I feigned disability, said I couldn't work full time. So, options are: lie about ability to work, go completely off COBRA and let the state pay for everything, or just continue to slide deeper and deeper into debt.

Another challenge to the whole ADAP thing is the number of hoops you have to jump though proving you're sick-amount of virus in blood, number of T-cells, your lack of money--and the need to keep reproving how sick and poor you are. All a very uplifting, life affirming process. Wouldn't it be better to focus on our wellness?

My lip is tingling like a colony of ants in maribou slippers is doing a June Taylor flower formation. I see and FEEL the link between stress and wellness.

Thank you COBRA and ADAP for reminding me very tangiblly, that my immune system is fucked up. Just not fucked up enough for any meaningful help.

Burning a mountain of sage. Nice thoughts nice thoughts.

The tingling is better already.