...the reality of being pursued, being courted, told tales of angels and poets, and forced to consider possibilities of the heart never before experienced. I'd been okay in my self-contained solitude, well, fairly okay, playing the field and being slippery in the realm of the heart.
Enter the Shapeshifter, the one who shook me to the core, who sparked something so intrinsic, that I threw caution and reason and self-preservation to the winds. I split myself open, offered love unconditionally, extracted my own heart and lay it as offered lilies at the feet of my fascination.
I watched amazed as words like boyfriend and Daedalus were invoked, completely free of my consideration or prodding. This gave me the confidence to consider possibilities I thought I had been fine never considering for me. I pulled back, thoughtful of issues that arose or were being processed by this ancient stranger woven into my path. I tried to offer unconditional support, free of baggage or triggers for my Mirrored ShadowTwin.
In the scramble for survival that ensued, I used my heart, power and intention to overcome a lot of obstacles, again, I did this free of expectation of repayment in gratitude or love; I did it because it was the right thing to do.
I fell hard and deep into the chasm of Love's shadow--I offered my heart and my self, fearlessly. I, like Sebastian, opened my heart to the possibility of a thousand arrows, and when I did, the ShadowTwin vanished. No rebuttal, no good bye. Silence.
My Shaman's path, not of my choosing, has fucked up much of my life. Familial legacy, natural talents and supernatural abilities have made the constant quest for balance a challenging one. But I am NOT crazy. I have feet in many worlds, in many dimensions. It is real, it is profound and it is just part of being Hermes, the Messenger and the Message.
I did nothing wrong and it seems I was only afforded the position of being wrong, crazy, difficult--of which I am none. The love friendship and benefit I brought, forgotten, as I was pushed away without explanation.
The surest way to wound Hermes is to allow misunderstanding and confusion to muddle the message, to eclipse the light of the of sweet affiliation and of truth. Truth.
I try to adhere to a life without assumptions, but I cannot help feeling I have either been played, this yet another instance of my extending my kindness and power to help others consider different outcomes that cynicism, depression and melancholy afford.
So, here I sit, profoundly confused, deeply sad, still in love with someone that I can't tell ever cared at all.
I would love to be afforded a single extended kindess from my ShadowTwin. Allow me to be right; allow me to prove my integrity, sanity and flexibility. The dire, dour imagined outcome is not real though it is being brought into reality with expert's intention.
Look differently, think differently, feel differently. Afford yourself the chance at an extraordinary adventure with a person of unparalleled character, heart, kindness, trust, and loving intention for your greatest good. Which affords the same for me in a perfect Mirrored world.
I have no agenda of jealousy or neediness or limitation. The Universe is ours to create.
In a perfect world, I would ask NOT for reciprocal affection, though that I would love. I woud just ask for a lightness of being, for friendship and for the fantastical gift of allowing impossibilities to grow realities. And for the chance to prove I am not baggage that you have imagined me to be.
I am deeply imaginitive. Come out and play. I am a valuable friend; allow me to adapt to an acceptable version that works for both of us.
I will not apologize for loving you or for being me. It is a fortunate man that can turn away love offered without demands. Love takes many forms: epic lover, friend, family. Imagination and organic growth, whichever way it goes, without attachment to outcome, is all I ask.
This crazy you see, is not. It is passion. It is fearless.
I am a passionate man.
Allow moments of pleasure to be. Allow a possibility of Me.
