Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Archetypes & Archegripes aka EDD, You Kill Me...

Hello.  Back again.  Seems like am certainly living up to the archetype of Hermes, the Trickster.  The Trickster shows up in all cultures to remind people of things they don't want to be reminded of, to give flashes of insight, given from the point of pushing one on toward compassion, toward their greatest good.
According to our friends at Wilkipedia:
The trickster deity breaks the rules of the gods or nature, sometimes maliciously (for example, Loki) but usually, albeit unintentionally, with ultimately positive effects. Often, the bending/breaking of rules takes the form of tricks (e.g. Eris) or thievery. Tricksters can be cunning or foolish or both; they are often funny even when considered sacred or performing important cultural tasks. An example of this is the sacred Iktomi, whose role is to play tricks and games and by doing so raises awareness and acts as an equalizer.[citation needed]
In many cultures, (as may be seen in GreekNorse, or Slavic folktales, along with Native American/First Nations lore), the trickster and the culture hero are often combined. To illustrate: Prometheus, in Greek mythology, stole fire from the gods to give to humans. He is more of a culture hero than a trickster. In many Native American and First Nations mythologies, the coyote (Southwestern United States) or raven (Pacific Northwest, coastal British ColumbiaAlaska and Russian Far East) stole fire from the gods (starsmoon, and/or sun) and are more tricksters than culture heroes. This is primarily because of other stories involving these spirits: Prometheus was a Titan, whereas the Coyote spirit and Raven spirit are usually seen as jokesters and pranksters. Examples of Tricksters in the world mythologies are given by Hansen (2001), who lists Mercurius in Roman mythology, Hermes in Greek mythology, Eshu in Yoruba mythology and Wakdjunga in Winnebago mythology as examples of the Trickster archetype. Hansen makes the interesting observation that the Trickster is nearly always a male figure.
Frequently the Trickster figure exhibits gender and form variability, changing gender roles and even occasionally engaging in same-sex practices. Such figures appear in Native American and First Nations mythologies, where they are said to have a two-spirit nature. Loki, the Norse trickster, also exhibits gender variability, in one case even becoming pregnant; interestingly, he shares the ability to change genders with Odin, the chief Norse deity who also possesses many characteristics of the Trickster. In the case of Loki's pregnancy, he was forced by the Gods to stop a giant from erecting a wall for them before 7 days passed; he solved the problem by transforming into a mare and drawing the giant's magical horse away from its work. He returned some time later with a child he had given birth to—the eight-legged horse Sleipnir, who served as Odin's steed.
Other famous Tricksters who make us learn things we don't want to are Brer Rabbit, Bugs Bunny, The Tramp (Chaplin), Pippi Longstocking, and perhaps the most feared and powerful Trickster, yes, Sarah Silverman.
So, why the unsolicited lesson on these rapscallions?
I am among their hordes, both as Hermes and as well, me, the Charlie Brown Everyman who seems to have what could go wrong go wrong.  Believe me, I have Creatively Visualized, I have Secretly wished, I have intentioned, dreamagined, willed--and --- nothing.  Shooting blanks here.
Maybe the most compassionate and beneficial gift we can be given is in the form of seemingly unanswered prayers. Ganesha removes obstacles, but who's to say the things we think are obstacles are on the same page as Ganesha and that we'll like the form in which the removal takes place.
I've learned an enormous amount about how our system is completely fucked up, broken at every turn.
I am an honest guy who plays by the rules of actually possessing a moral compass--seems that's none-too-common these days.  Though I have helped raise in excess of $100 million for AIDS service organizations either through direct fundraising, or event production, I am ineligible for services.
Though I am entitled to to be on unemployment as I transition from disability, EDD has fought me at every turn.  I should have been receiving  benefits from 12/17/11.  
I just received notice--today--that I am eligible for an appeal.  GREAT!!!  When will that happen?
In 10 weeks.
Bravo, fed gov and CA.  I could be dead from your expeditious and compassionate handling of what should be an open and shut case.
So?  Trust and gratitude move to the fore.  Because I haven't allowed the possibilities of death and homelessness to become real, I, somehow am still homed, still somewhat well. But there are limits.
My immune system is taking a HUGE hit--I can tell by the warts that are starting to sprout on my eyelids.  Sexy, I know.  T-Cell, hold on...
So, while I do not apologize for voicing my situation, AGAIN, in public forum, I hope you will indulge these missives of chaos and frustration.
I, Hermes, hold up a mirror crackd to a very broken system, hoping to incite some empathic reaction, not toward my personal situation, but toward the inner Don Quixote in you... tilt at some windmills with me?  Nobility demands!
Onward, upward--with an honest, connected heart and an unreasonable demand for impossible dreams.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

An Overlong, Overdue Update I'd Be Honoured if You Read



Happy Yule, Belated Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Eid, Tihar, Diwali...well, let’s just clip it short there, lest we trod too politically correct a landscape. Let’s just say, “Happy Grateful and Warm Wishes for 2010.”

I’m just finishing up a whirlwind trip to Connecticut to spend Christmas with my fantastic family. Thanks, Scott and Jane, for getting me here and for making me feel special; and thanks, Carol Ann and Christopher, for making it seem like I hadn’t missed a day since I last saw you, even though your larger and more adult-like every day.

It’s strange to return to your roots when you’ve grown into such a different person than would be expected, as surprising to one’s self as to the extended circle. But I have grown so okay with how this irregular egg has hatched that I sit on this side of major transformation and think, ‘Wow! Didn’t see that coming...” More mostly bemused, rather than, “Why me?” or “Could we change that?”

I have this annoyingly persistent trait of being grateful even when things suck out loud. That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated or exhausted, or wonder “How many friggin’ legs does this millipede have and how many shoes are there left to still drop?”

The narrator in me finds it fascinating, and that is what spurs me on toward trying to figure out this strange saga of heart and guts and trying to be better- you know, ‘The Tale of Hermes Alchemist--aka The Journey of the Melancholy Optimist’. Or ‘A Connecticut Yankee in Hermes Trismegistus’ Court’. The Kindle I don’t own needs a reboot--not sure which is the correct title. You choose.

Anyway, blah blah blah, me me me...

So why am I updating? Well, many of you have been following my thread since India, and many have noted that I have been rather quiet of late. I’ve had a lot going on, the most recent of which included going on disability a month and a half go.

Why disability? After 13 years of strict compliance with HIV meds, I finally had to throw in the towel on a system that is so broken that it put me $35,000 in debt JUST MAINTAINING COBRA HEALTHCARE COVERAGE. No assets to show for the money, all strictly going toward my $900 a month co-pay during periods of lay off and draconian employment laws which make it optional for employers to provide health insurance.

With so much going toward the insurance, I couldn’t afford copays and deductibles, and couldn’t afford the quarterly $800 blood draws to prove I was positive in order to access services.

So I have been off meds for almost a year. I feel fine and oddly relaxed as the renegade, gone the crushing stress of trying to stay well under the unreasonable constraints of what profit driven healthcare considers wellness. That, and i kinda enjoy swinging from the Sword Of Damacles.

Why disability? Because what I was most lacking was balance. I being one of the rare breed who will pick up trash on a sidewalk as opposed to stepping over it, I try to make the world around me better. Pie eyed optimist, I.

I simply realized I needed to afford the care to my personal situation that I skillfully avoided for many years. You cannot take care of the world and not take care of yourself. For the first time in ages, if ever, I am taking care of me.

So how does that manifest?

I am going into debt consolidation next week. I want to be held accountable to what I spent, I just cannot pay it back at the rates that the banks want. After Wells Fargo screwed up my account and credit rating my APRs all jumped to around 32%. My bank account went to less than zero. and I was in a danger zone. Hopefully, my disability status combined with 25 + years of excellent credit rating and desire to pay my debt will work something out.

So how else?

I am starting running and cycling again. My passions for these activities have become strangers to me, so I want to warmly revisit these activities and make friends with them again.

And I have also signed up to do AIDS/LifeCycle 9, as I know how vital the services provided by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation are. First hand.
Alive because of them.

This is a soft approach at soliciting donations. If you’d like to get a donation in to this calendar year, then paste or click this link 
http://www.tofighthiv.org/site/TR/AIDSLIFECYCLE9/AIDSLifeCycleCenter?px=1686962&pg=personal&fr_id=1210&et=aFZIWUDEAPp1h4LaR_dRLA..&s_tafId=1210

Alternately, you may search by my name or participant number at www.aidslifecycle.org.

Just to be a huge pain in the ass, if you were considering donating, I would love to ask that you think about splitting your donation between LifeCycle and the AIDS Emergency Fund. These outstanding angels are the only reason I am not homeless. They granted me my last month’s rent at a time when I had no money and no other resources. They also provide support for folks with Breast Cancer. Every penny counts.

AIDS Emergency Fund (www.aidsemergencyfund.org) has secure online donations here: https://www.givedirect.org/give/givefrm.asp?CID=1397.

I have to look at my current situation and think, “Well, at least I, with a legacy of communication, can translate how our incredibly broken system is failing the citizens of one the world’s greatest nations...” Hopefully, it will touch you and inspire you to act with compassion and empathy for all the amazing people that make up the human tapestry that is America. That which affects any of us affects all of us; All Are One.

Thanks for reading this overlong, overpersonal update from Hermes Alchemist. If you choose to donate, fantastic and I thank you. If you need to pass, and I certainly understand hard times, I’d ask that you consider volunteering or donating to a cause that resonates with you. If not us , who? If not now, when?

Oodles of warm, peaceful vibes for a 2010 with love, laughter, heart and connection.

Thanks for being connected to me.

Namaste
I honour the God In You.

PS- I’d love to have you join me on ALC! There are places for everyone!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Still Necessary.


Friends, Family-
I am truly testing your good nature, I know this, but please hear me out. It's important.
The great news? 
Craig's Team of Family & Friends for ALC 2007 has already raised over $3,200 for my participation in the 575-mile journey this June.  Thank you SO MUCH for believing in me, for caring, for choosing action over complacency, for being the change we wish to see in the world.
So, why the email? 
I again humbly ask for your good humor and patience and ask that you read this email and consider its message.
In November, I will be participating in the AIDS Marathon in Florence, Italy, raising vital funds for the San Francisco AIDS Foundation. I have committed to raising at least $4,200 dollars and I'd like to exceed $5,000+.  Hopefully, I can hit the mark.  Last year, we raised over $10,000 with AIDS/LifeCycle, so I'm confident we can do this.
My friends and family are engaged and active participants in creating positive social change.  I am just acting as a reminder or vehicle for action.  I hope that you will once again join me.
I run, I bike, I must.  This will be my second season of the AIDS Marathon.  Can't believe it was five years ago I ran in celebration of my 40th year and fifth year of being positive.
Five years later, still here, as is AIDS.  Not an easy five years, much life transition, money issues and recently some minor pesky immune issues.
I run to raise funds for people who so vitally need the services that were there for me.
I run to regain my power, my sense of hope and joy.
I run to create a world where assumptions about living with HIV are challenged.  A world that does not stigmatize a disease.  A world safer, more knowledgable for my niece & nephew.
And yes, I run to carve some blubber of my love handles.  Actually, that's just a nifty perk.  But those other reasons?
That's why I run.
It is our obligation to share our great good fortune. Please consider joining me in this next life-affirming adventure.  No Body Glide, DryWick or Band Aids on your nipples required.  I'll take care of those...
Below, a portion of my ALC letter, as well, to further explain my double participation in such a short period of time:
This paragraph is where I should say poignant things and make you feel the need for the event.  But, with this being my 12th year of participation, I've kind of said it all before.  What can I say except that it's still so vitally necessary, that people need to ride bikes extraordinary distances just to keep friends and family alive.  Kind people.  Many of these people not normally active.  It's not easy, it is commitment, drive, compassion.  Your family, friends, neighbors--all connected, we are all our brother's keepers.  I decided to challenge myself in a new way this year, by becoming a recurring donor at Keep a Child Alive.  For $30 bucks a month, the price of just one of my 60 antiviral pills I take in a month, I am providing a month's supply of antivirals for someone in Africa.  I can't give up two weeks of Biggie Diet Cokes so that a child can live?  Of course I can!  The extraordinary, prohibitive costs of health insurance  and antiviral regimens here in the US makes this journey necessary.

Still Necessary.
Namaste
I Honor the God in You.
Craig
AIDS Marathon Florence 2007 Runner #5053, ALC Rider #4147, SFAF Client, HIV+ over 12 years, a pain in the ass for far longer
P.S. Please forward this page to your friends and family; they can just click or cut-n-paste this link and make a secure, online donation: https://www.sfaf.org/give/marathon.cfm?e=FL07&f=Craig&l=Hermes&n=5053

Think pro-karma spam! Delicious.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Sunshine, The All Smiles.

I know I've been a bit hermetic of late, even for a hermit named Hermes. (Why is "Mrs. Brown You Got a Lovely Daughter" echoing through my brain?).

You see, when I'm in my less exhuberant of moods, I just pipe down. No drama, just a little restorative self-exile.

I took Fugee for a walk yesterday and it was one of the liquid golden sunshine days that just let's you know there has to be a deeper meaning to the chaos and clutter. It was a great walk--and Fugee is feeling much better.

Here are some pics- enjoy the butterscotch sundrenched Bay.




Sunday, December 31, 2006

Quick & Simple.


Happy New Year, Friends and Family! And Old Year, too!

Found this picture of me with my parents on New Year's Eve 1966. I guess I really had to pee. Still do. How little changes.

2006 held lots of endings, beginnings, cross country moves, false starts, highs and lows, and a constant need for redefinition of what it means to be truly fluid in one's approach to life.

What am I thankful for? Every single bit.

AIDS/LifeCycle. My friends. The difficulties, the successes, the reconnections and the realizations when aspects of one's life have needed to change. My family and their unconditional support and love in a situation that would make many shake their heads in lack of understanding.

My health, my strength, my sense of humor, my ability to learn from my history, my ability to maintain hope and gratitude even in the most dire of circumstances.

The chance to work in New York. The latitude to decide to return to San Francisco. A wonderful job opportunity working at a cool place for great people with integrity and heart.

My dog, a sweet and gentle companion, happiest when he is just by my side, wherever that may be.

What do I wish for 2007?

Peace. Laughter. Good music. Learning and understanding. Sunny morning bike rides. Rotisserie chicken and fish burritos. Bills paid on time. The ability to save. Walks at the beach letting Fugee chase the gulls. Stability. A job that allows me to be me--and allows me the chance at a more stable lifestyle, working with and for people I respect.

Time with family. With friends. Simple, honest, present. A return to a more active lifestyle. More fresh air, less "settling".

That's about it.

And I wholeheartedly wish every success and love, moments of quiet and energy, heart and compassion, for you. You make the tapestry of my life rich beyond compare.

I'm heading cross country on the 3rd. Yahoooooooo, Budget trucks! Connecticut has been a strange and entirely unexpected adventure for 2006, and I cannot express how grateful I am to have been with family for four months, and to have reconnected with old friends and lost relatives. Just great.

Hey- if you'd like my email updates from the road, let me know. I will ONLY send them if you say you'd like to read them. If you'd like to just check in occasionally, that's cool too. Just check out http://hermesbrainbelch.blogspot.com for the latest minutiae and musings eddying through me noodle. (I won't be offended if you opt out. Email, while an inferior method of keeping in touch, is one way of maintaining the ties to those who matter to me.)

Thank you for being.

Peace/Namaste

Craig
______________________________________
craig goward hermes
“In different hours, a man represents each of several of his ancestors, as if there were seven or eight of us rolled up in each man’s skin,—seven or eight ancestors at least, and they constitute the variety of notes for that new piece of music which his life is.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson