nouvelle vague "dance with me" from bande a part

Won't you dance with me
in my world of Make Believe?
It's nicer here...

Is Life Meant To Be All Happy?

...sort of agree. But one can deeply love those who give them anguish. To stick around with unconditional love and challenge one's self toward non-acting empathy NOT co-dependence or dysfunction, just striving to find balance, seems to be a better solution than walking away from loved ones.

 

No one said life will be all happy; that would not be living. That would be fantasy. 

 

It is the blend of shadow and light that makes chiaroscuro so profound. As Ram Dass said, "The shadow is the greatest teacher for bringing one to the light." 

 

It's all a delicate dance.

Truth In Advertising From MadMen Like Me.

When committing to truth and peace, love and understanding, it's not fair to filter the messages that make your hackles stand up.  I do see the wisdom in advice, but I can still see a better ending than the bleak one of loss that this suggests.  I subscribe to the "If you love something set it free; If it comes back to you, it was meant to be.  If it doesn't, run it over on your motorcycle."

Just kidding about the last part.  Sort of.

Stand back and enjoy the marriage of light and dark in the whole being that is Hermes.  Delight or delete.

From Vision Magazine, A Cataylist For Change, here's July:

Gemini: Empress (3 of Swords) 5/22 – 6/21

As challenging as it seems, you must free yourself from a toxic situation. All your good intentions have morphed into daggers of desperation and there’s nothing to gain by staying. Acknowledge your pain and relieve yourself of this burden. The weekend of the 9th will bring a confrontation that is long overdue. Your family will be involved in this struggle so prepare to go somewhere else for support. Marital problems pushed under the rug will have severe consequences in the future, so address the issues now and work to resolve them. It’s also a good time to face health-related problems like addiction.

add in my rising sign,

Scorpio: Hermit (5 of Cups) 10/24 – 11/22

Loss is an intimate part of life and, uncomfortable as it may be, there is always something to be learned from our grief. This is a valuable time to look within for answers. If feelings of regret or sorrow are permeating your mood, it’s time to question what you allow to affect you and realize that spending too much time brooding over lost opportunity is costing you. Rather than crying over spilled milk, find the blessin’ in the lesson, and let it go! The period around the 18th is a great period for contemplation—make a point to acknowledge what you’re grateful for.



"Hey there, you with the stars in your eyes...is it all going in one ear, and out the other?"  Raitt Yes or No.

Possibility Lies Behind Doors You Didn't Imagine.  Open UP!

The Fairy Tale Believer in Faeries

Waking from the dreamstate in the State of Californication. Elephant Boy Emerges from Shadow.

Weirdest dream ever.  maybe a dream walk?
involved African magic, talisman, a computer swap/Ganeshas and beautiful geodes.
In a Safeway near Bay View, Hunter's Point.  And  friend named Mike who was very sick.  Wow.  Need coffee to process. will blog it later/further at hermesbrainbelch.blogspot.com.  Wow, wow, wow. ***Please don't squeeze the shaman before coffee***

(I love that Mac OSX spellchecks hermesbrainbelch as 'featherbrained'... I can live with that.

Know That You Are Appreciated. And I am An Idiot.

You know, it's easy to feel gratitude for those who come into our lives and do wonderful things for us, like make us feel special, loved, supported.  People who offer assistance when we feel depleted, unable to go forward.  They have done an extraordinary service for us.  The honey warm gooey we feel for these folks is heady to say the least, and they are deserving of every bit of gratitude.

In my wacky world of the perfectly imperfect mirror, it has come into my realm of understanding that a bigger piece of our gratitude be reserved for those angels, ANGELS, who make contract with us before this whirl around the coil, to show us the uglier aspects of ourselves.  The people that hold a brave mirror to our stinginess of spirit, our irrational behavior, our unkindness, our dishonesty, our disregard of the integrity and power of our words.

Rumi has a beautiful poem about this phenomenon called the Guest House.

The Guest House 

This being human is a guest house. 

Every morning a new arrival. 

A joy, a depression, a meanness, 

some momentary awareness comes 

as an unexpected visitor. 

Welcome and entertain them all! 

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, 

who violently sweep your house 

empty of its furniture, 

still, treat each guest honorably. 

He may be clearing you out 

for some new delight. 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, 

meet them at the door laughing, 

and invite them in. 

Be grateful for whoever comes, 

because each has been sent 

as a guide from beyond.

~ Rumi ~

Perfect, right?  I even wrote something similar under my pseudonym Hermes Alchemist.  

where. 

god visits in different forms--a stranger, a virus, a lover, a thief. 

where were you the day you mistook passion for greed, lust for love, horror as beauty? 

where were you the day you turned god away? 

where. 

~pieces of hermes alchemist

We must constantly challenge ourselves NOT to take things at first glance.  Things are NEVER as they appear.

As one might of surmised from my writings of late, I have been going through a spiritual epiphany of sorts which, if at any other time in history, I would have been committed to an asylum as a raving lunatic, been driven into the forest, or been revered as a saint.

But because we have been raised in an era of suspended disbelief and virtual reality, we can imagine impossibilities simpler times would not have allowed.

This Age of Information coupled with my familial history of ecstatic and fanatical religious zealotry (Cotton Mather--Scarlet Letter and Salem Witch Trials--a grandfather; Saint Louis IVX- brought the Weimaraner back from Egypt--a Grandfather; Sea Captain William Shurtliff, the first person struck and killed by lightning in Plymouth Plantation--while holding pregnant wife's hand-- she and child did NOT die--Grandmother with Grandfather baby... on and on... we are freaking modern day Harry Potters, all lightning charged DNA; my familial history of Knights Templar, Rosicrucian, Illuminati, Knights of Malta, Oddfellows, Freemasons, Improved Order of RedMen (?)---and a familial history of seeing beautiful castles and mountain tops at death--lets just say I come from a fine bunch of coconuts...) That and my having had three massive concussions to the frontal lobe, which has shown to have an effect on those with predisposition to psychic phenomenon.  CRAZY.

This has accellerated as we hurtle through theAge of Aquarius, as I have had visions and dreamwalks, quantum leaps in learning and understanding the architechture of information and the integrative nature of all mythos, and clairvoyant, shamanic journeys (my cousin is having them too...).  It's been a challenge to remain functional while also juggling the very real unreasonable situation of trying to remain alive in a system broken in its capacity to provide healthcare or fair lending practices.

So these were the challenges of late.  These would be a full plate for anybody.  Add in a decade of unexpected computer, phone and cell breakdown, it drove this Miss Daisy to distraction.

So what would add to this current miasma of "uggh!"?  Hey, Little Idiot... fall in love for the first time in your life.

Now THAT is a healthy environment to foster a sane, healthy relationship... right?

Let me just preface the next bit with, I am fiercely independent.  That's why it's been so easy for me to be slippery in the realm of love.  I've had no expectation of anyone for a definition of who I was, and I've enjoyed the flexibility of the lone wolf.  Sure, this comfort grew out of decades of fear of letting anybody in for fearv of hurt, but I grew very okay with my solo walk. Until this certain person walked into my life at the worst time, with issues as big as mine, in an equally awful time for him.

I was clear from the onset that I am used to excelling at most everything I do, but in the realm of the heart, I was completely unversed.  I am committed to learning, insist on independence for both parties, and was willing to learn to speak a language that would work for us both.  But in my current pre-fetal state, asking me to speak the language of relationship would be like asking me to understand Britney Spear's success.  Some things just baffle me. Bu I was committed to learning.

Sounded good until my current phone/landline/computer crash which had me getting bounce back error messages for every text or email I placed to anyone, my voicemail not accepting my password or allowing reset by ATT and my complete loss of all contacts three times in two weeks.

Apparently the emails were getting through, as well as texts, and any time I updated Facebook, it came up as a text message and email.  So suddenlty I am Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction and I have completely smothered this poor guy in messages and endless texts.  I honestly didn't know that any of them had gotten through.

At the time I was heartbroken at the thought that he would think me that obbsessive or desperate.  Now, I just find in hilarious that he'd think that I could exist in any kind of relationship that wouldn't allow for PLENTY of room for the wind between us.  Love is like oxygen--let's get high a while, sans asphyxia fetish...

In a perfect mirrored world where our issues are played out by loving angels, to show us our reflection, oft times a really ugly reflection, well it takes a very loving being to carry these shitty messages to us.

I am so committed to learning how to be that person independent person for an equally independent somebody. For me to be that person, I need feedback BEFORE it gets to the point where it is problematic for someone.  I don't know if this will work for me either, but let's find out together and if it doesn't fit, let's hug and say thanks for the time til now, and go on toward our individual happinesses.

I hope to God I am given the chance to prove my sanity or at least a sort of charming, disarming and never alarming world view that includes and insists upon independence.

I may have poisoned this well, but I hope not.  I really like the guy, I really want to learn the rules of relationship, and hey, this world CERTAINLY doesn't need anymore poisonous wells, right BP?

So, anonymous one, mea culpa mea culpa **lash!!** ooohhh... nice, uh I mean, I extend the rose of stupidity from me, the second little idiot from CT (Moby, you will always be first...).  I hope can be friends, lovers or... Fuck John Mayer, friends AND/OR lovers... no ifs, and or buts.  Nice but, btw...

Let's make music.

The Music We Are

Did you hear that winter’s over?

The basil and the carnations

cannot control their laughter.

The nightengale, back from his wandering,

has been made singing master over

all the birds. The trees reach out

their congratulations. The soul

goes dancing through the king’s doorway.

Anemones blush because they have seen

the rose naked. Spring, the only fair

judge, walks in the courtroom, and

several December thieves steal away.

Last year’s miracles will soon be

forgotten. New creatures whirl in

from nonexistence, galaxies scattered

around their feet. Have you met them?

Do you hear the bud of Jesus crooning

in the cradle? A single narcissus

flower has been appointed Inspector

of Kingdoms. A feast is set. Listen.

The wind is pouring wine! Love

used to hide inside images. No more!

The orchard hangs out its lanterns.

The dead come stumbling by in shrouds.

Nothing can stay bound or imprisoned.

You say, “End this poem here and

wait for what’s next.” I will. Poems

are rough notations for the music we are.

Future Music?  You decide.


"I wish..."~~Into the Woods.

Feet of Flames, Welcome to the Dance! AKA Happy MidWinter's Day!

A delicious exchange with a friend of my friend Marilyn Clark's prompted by a thread on Facebook because of a 'God Hates Fags' appearance in Sacto: 
Long story short Between Craig Hermes and Michelle DeVita Fong 
Michelle DeVita Fong February 2 at 8:19am: 
I wasn't sure of facebook etiquette and I didn't want to clog up Marilyn's post. I belong to a dance meditation group and we did a meditation just after Prop 8 passed. I wrote this as my prayer to the universe. You may quote me:"Visualize that one day, this world, our world, our Earth and all her people will evolve into a place where race, ethnicity, gender, religion or sexual orientation isn’t an issue.It will be a time in our future, when people are all just part of the human race. We can be just beautiful creatures and live and work and play on this gorgeous planet spinning around the fiery sun. We’ll care about our Mother earth and each other. Wars will cease to exist. And on any given moment on any given day, if anyone was listening from afar they would hear the gently singing of our hearts in unison. We will know each other. We will be the ones dancing."
Craig Hermes February 2 at 8:34am:
GORGEOUS my friend... I can at times dance like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld, at times like all members of all incarnations of Fleetwood Mac all at once in the 10 different directions, and at other times, like in the early- 80s at the Comet Diner in Hartford, CT with Marilyn, LIKE GOLDEN GODS... is there room for all the Misfit Toys? I like your world! Keep on Dancing!
Michelle DeVita Fong February 2 at 8:39am:
Check out our sha-mama! Dance like nobody's watchin!
Gabrielle Roth www.gabrielleroth.com 
Craig Hermes February 2 at 8:54am:
Shiva/Nataraj, please meet Kate Bush/Kali Red Shoes. Dance a nice creationary jig for us today on this midwinter's day, okay? Reel nice, okay? For Brigid's sake? 
Michelle DeVita Fong February 2 at 8:57am:
Will dance tomorrow just 4u! 

Craig Hermes February 2 at 9:04am:
:-)
♥

An Overlong, Overdue Update I'd Be Honoured if You Read

Happy Yule, Belated Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Eid, Tihar, Diwali...well, let’s just clip it short there, lest we trod too politically correct a landscape. Let’s just say, “Happy Grateful and Warm Wishes for 2010.”

I’m just finishing up a whirlwind trip to Connecticut to spend Christmas with my fantastic family. Thanks, Scott and Jane, for getting me here and for making me feel special; and thanks, Carol Ann and Christopher, for making it seem like I hadn’t missed a day since I last saw you, even though your larger and more adult-like every day.

It’s strange to return to your roots when you’ve grown into such a different person than would be expected, as surprising to one’s self as to the extended circle. But I have grown so okay with how this irregular egg has hatched that I sit on this side of major transformation and think, ‘Wow! Didn’t see that coming...” More mostly bemused, rather than, “Why me?” or “Could we change that?”

I have this annoyingly persistent trait of being grateful even when things suck out loud. That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated or exhausted, or wonder “How many friggin’ legs does this millipede have and how many shoes are there left to still drop?”

The narrator in me finds it fascinating, and that is what spurs me on toward trying to figure out this strange saga of heart and guts and trying to be better- you know, ‘The Tale of Hermes Alchemist--aka The Journey of the Melancholy Optimist’. Or ‘A Connecticut Yankee in Hermes Trismegistus’ Court’. The Kindle I don’t own needs a reboot--not sure which is the correct title. You choose.

Anyway, blah blah blah, me me me...

So why am I updating? Well, many of you have been following my thread since India, and many have noted that I have been rather quiet of late. I’ve had a lot going on, the most recent of which included going on disability a month and a half go.

Why disability? After 13 years of strict compliance with HIV meds, I finally had to throw in the towel on a system that is so broken that it put me $35,000 in debt JUST MAINTAINING COBRA HEALTHCARE COVERAGE. No assets to show for the money, all strictly going toward my $900 a month co-pay during periods of lay off and draconian employment laws which make it optional for employers to provide health insurance.

With so much going toward the insurance, I couldn’t afford copays and deductibles, and couldn’t afford the quarterly $800 blood draws to prove I was positive in order to access services.

So I have been off meds for almost a year. I feel fine and oddly relaxed as the renegade, gone the crushing stress of trying to stay well under the unreasonable constraints of what profit driven healthcare considers wellness. That, and i kinda enjoy swinging from the Sword Of Damacles.

Why disability? Because what I was most lacking was balance. I being one of the rare breed who will pick up trash on a sidewalk as opposed to stepping over it, I try to make the world around me better. Pie eyed optimist, I.

I simply realized I needed to afford the care to my personal situation that I skillfully avoided for many years. You cannot take care of the world and not take care of yourself. For the first time in ages, if ever, I am taking care of me.

So how does that manifest?

I am going into debt consolidation next week. I want to be held accountable to what I spent, I just cannot pay it back at the rates that the banks want. After Wells Fargo screwed up my account and credit rating my APRs all jumped to around 32%. My bank account went to less than zero. and I was in a danger zone. Hopefully, my disability status combined with 25 + years of excellent credit rating and desire to pay my debt will work something out.

So how else?

I am starting running and cycling again. My passions for these activities have become strangers to me, so I want to warmly revisit these activities and make friends with them again.

And I have also signed up to do AIDS/LifeCycle 9, as I know how vital the services provided by the San Francisco AIDS Foundation are. First hand.
Alive because of them.

This is a soft approach at soliciting donations. If you’d like to get a donation in to this calendar year, then paste or click this link  http://www.tofighthiv.org/site/TR/AIDSLIFECYCLE9/AIDSLifeCycleCenter?px=1686962&pg=personal&fr_id=1210&et=aFZIWUDEAPp1h4LaR_dRLA..&s_tafId=1210

Alternately, you may search by my name or participant number at www.aidslifecycle.org.

Just to be a huge pain in the ass, if you were considering donating, I would love to ask that you think about splitting your donation between LifeCycle and the AIDS Emergency Fund. These outstanding angels are the only reason I am not homeless. They granted me my last month’s rent at a time when I had no money and no other resources. They also provide support for folks with Breast Cancer. Every penny counts.

AIDS Emergency Fund (www.aidsemergencyfund.org) has secure online donations here: https://www.givedirect.org/give/givefrm.asp?CID=1397.

I have to look at my current situation and think, “Well, at least I, with a legacy of communication, can translate how our incredibly broken system is failing the citizens of one the world’s greatest nations...” Hopefully, it will touch you and inspire you to act with compassion and empathy for all the amazing people that make up the human tapestry that is America. That which affects any of us affects all of us; All Are One.

Thanks for reading this overlong, overpersonal update from Hermes Alchemist. If you choose to donate, fantastic and I thank you. If you need to pass, and I certainly understand hard times, I’d ask that you consider volunteering or donating to a cause that resonates with you. If not us , who? If not now, when?

Oodles of warm, peaceful vibes for a 2010 with love, laughter, heart and connection.

Thanks for being connected to me.

Namaste
I honour the God In You.

PS- I’d love to have you join me on ALC! There are places for everyone!

Wisdom From Jefferey, Whizzer & Marvin on the Day Before Never.

"Hate AIDS, Love Life." Jeffrey the Movie


or


"Love Everyone/Thing, Always Tell The Truth." Maharaji via Ram Via Me


Hate AIDS.  Easy to do.  Unnecessary suffering, agonies, cruelty and greed manifested in the name of AIDS.  THAT is easy to hate.  But you can't hate something away.


As The Beatles told us, ALL you need is love.  On George's anniversary of his passing yesterday, or droipping the meat puppet, as I like to say, it gives one the chance to reflect and assess from where we have come and where the hell we are going.  George "got" Krishna or Christ consciousness.  Love is the only answer.


It IS exhausting loving the unloveable. It challenges our egos, our minds.  Good.  Let it tussle with your modes of entrapement.


Here is my exercize for you.  You won't like it. But give it a shot.


Really challenge your assumptions and perceptions.


LOVE AIDS for its fierce grace in growing compassion and empathy and propelling humankind forward, in reminding us that that which affects the least of us affects all of us, for burning away the borders of class, economics and race, and for the millions of angel souls who signed up to help us just-slightly-denser-than-cement beings remember the One.




Would I prefer not to have AIDS?

Yes. 

Would I be who I am, or even alive, without AIDS?

Most probably not.


It helps me to forget about Me and remember Us.
 
Grateful for, to quote 'Falsettos', 

"the chink in the amour
The shit in the karma
The blues."


Grateful for the U in Us.


Namaste.

Synchronicty--Is Time Linear?

This is just a little brain nugget to chew on.




"Mmmmmm- brains," -Homer J. Simpson




This is my Mom's favorite piece of jewelry that I gave her--one of the few pieces not stolen by the guy who broke into our house.




In High School, I got SO mad at her, I bent it up onto a ball--I know, I know--what a shitty kid. One of the wings fell off.
It hurt her so deeply, I immediately unbent it and offered to her as I sobbed. She hugged me and it never happened.


It's new, phoenix incarnation was astounding. It is the exact shape and size of the same image found on my grandfather, the architect, Otto Hermes' map of the Cape.


Our ancestors really do leave a roadmap for their dim witted followers.
And pain transmuted, is ceaseless beauty.


Thanks, Gramps! I love you, Mom.


Ach du lieber!!

have an ecstatic heart day.

happy.


craig

Are we in balance as a people? What the heck, yeah!

What speaks to our priorities being on straight as a people more than
celebrities toting $16,000 botox-injected crocodile or python purses,
"to make the bags look softer and more plump" , "giving them a
youthful softness beyond the dreams of the most clean-living croc."
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,330751326-102280,00.html

Thanks, JLO, for helping us keep our eyes on the prize!

Wow. We're cool!

Glad the money wasn't wasted on something frivolous like trying to get
ourselves out of dead last/worst healthcare system of 19 developed
nations studied. http://www.todayonline.com/articles/231138.asp

Thanks, stockholders! Well done! There's always room for profit in
maintaining health.

As we are in a time of political change, please consider how the
candidate you choose support plans to ensure quality, affordable
healthcare for all. I really don't think bankruptcy or threatened
lack of access to treatment should be one of the expected symptoms of
any illness.

I'm really not a crank, I just like to rattle the cage every so often
to say "What do you think? Do you think?" I say it as much to myself
as to anyone in particular.

Thinking. It does a body good.

For some positive inspiration, check out
for Divided We Fail, an
initiative of AARP. http://www.aarp.org/issues/dividedwefail/

All are One. Put yourself in another's shoes. Compassion.

Peace

Craig

Happy Fu Ears!

Happy Fu Ears!

May 2008 be filled with peace, love and the opportunity to joyfully wear new hats, just like Fugee. Doesn't he look happy?

If we haven't had the chance to connect in 2007, I'll try to be better in 2008.

Namaste/Peace/Love

Craig

Ho Ho Ho-me For the Holidays?

Ho Ho Ho!

Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Jolly Festivus/Dandy Diwali/Groovy Eid and all that jazz! Wishes for a holiday with the love of family, extra fatty foods heartily enjoyed, and a few days of delicious sloth.

Here's a couple of pics of me at work--proof that I am working today, tomorrow and New Year's Eve, New Year's Day--something I have never done in a 25 year work history. At first it seemed odd to be working these days that I used to hold in such high reverence. Actually, I still hold them as such, as they symbolize for me, the best of family. But since family is in CT this year and I am here, I figured, why not work? The world keeps turning, and hotels never sleep. Ironic, huh? Kinda fun being cheerful and giving good customer service--those that it doesn't make suspicious really enjoy it. After work, my great friend Lynell and her hubby Ian have invited me (and Fugee!) to their home for a Slavic Christmas Eve dinner--looking forward to it. Friends are family, too.

Some of the sweetest memories I hold are of our Hermes' Christmases--Mom in constant song since Thanksgiving, decorating every ledge in our house with family treasures, many having seen better days maybe 50 years earlier, stuffing our faces with spritz camels and wreaths, chocolate logs with holly leaves, pecan balls, peppermint fondant that had the quality of candy cane Play Doh, homemade advent cards, an advent wreath with della robia fruit made the day President Kennedy was assassinated, precious styrofoam Aunt Dottie elves looking like they had been in a horrible ten sleigh pile up--missing limbs, eyes, feet, heads--but still magic.

So many memories, fun to recall. Flaming plum pudding that rarely lit the first time, served with a chorus of Deck the Halls, Oyster Stew, boring slide shows of the Holy Land narrated by our two hundred year old neighbor Edgar Brown, great conversations between the generations. Gay, Paul, Dickie, Jim, Grammie, Grampa, Mom and Dad. Scott & I getting to open one present Christmas Eve. Snoopy & Scamper with their Christmas bows. Hopmeadow Street was Christmas. Memories wrapped in a golden cast of nostalgia, many of the traditions non-repeatable, making them even more special.

So that is a lot of what Christmas was, but the Christmas is is just as beautiful, just different. I hope you have a chance to think back today to some of your special memories, your history a Christmas Present.

What do I wish for a New Year?

More time with family & friends. Being better about remaining in touch. Getting that marathon recap email out...

And for YOU, I wish abundance, amazing health, loads of laughter, love, peace. Okay, I wish it for me too.

Have a happy happy holiday.

Love

Craig n Fu

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more"

~ Dr. Seuss

Wild Logic.

“Happiness is only real when shared.”
~Christopher McCandless, "Into The Wild", an epiphany in the solitude of the Alaskan Wilderness just before starvation, death.
Startling insights, baffling blindness coexisting in a single soul.
I am that man.
Enigma.

A Present is Presence.

"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers."
~Thich Nhat Hanh