Random thoughts of a Chaotic and Patterned World, From The Gemini Who Is Mercury Who Is Hermes Which Is Gemini Who Is Mercury, Which Is Hermes The Alchemist.
"Love Everyone/Thing, Always Tell The Truth." Maharaji via Ram Via Me
Hate AIDS. Easy to do. Unnecessary suffering, agonies, cruelty and greed manifested in the name of AIDS. THAT is easy to hate. But you can't hate something away.
As The Beatles told us, ALL you need is love. On George's anniversary of his passing yesterday, or droipping the meat puppet, as I like to say, it gives one the chance to reflect and assess from where we have come and where the hell we are going. George "got" Krishna or Christ consciousness. Love is the only answer.
It IS exhausting loving the unloveable. It challenges our egos, our minds. Good. Let it tussle with your modes of entrapement.
Here is my exercize for you. You won't like it. But give it a shot.
Really challenge your assumptions and perceptions.
LOVE AIDS for its fierce grace in growing compassion and empathy and propelling humankind forward, in reminding us that that which affects the least of us affects all of us, for burning away the borders of class, economics and race, and for the millions of angel souls who signed up to help us just-slightly-denser-than-cement beings remember the One.
Would I prefer not to have AIDS?
Yes.
Would I be who I am, or even alive, without AIDS?
Most probably not.
It helps me to forget about Me and remember Us.
Grateful for, to quote 'Falsettos',
"the chink in the amour
The shit in the karma
The blues."
This is my Mom's favorite piece of jewelry that I gave her--one of the few pieces not stolen by the guy who broke into our house.
In High School, I got SO mad at her, I bent it up onto a ball--I know, I know--what a shitty kid. One of the wings fell off.
It hurt her so deeply, I immediately unbent it and offered to her as I sobbed. She hugged me and it never happened.
It's new, phoenix incarnation was astounding. It is the exact shape and size of the same image found on my grandfather, the architect, Otto Hermes' map of the Cape.
Our ancestors really do leave a roadmap for their dim witted followers.
And pain transmuted, is ceaseless beauty.
What speaks to our priorities being on straight as a people more than celebrities toting $16,000 botox-injected crocodile or python purses, "to make the bags look softer and more plump" , "giving them a youthful softness beyond the dreams of the most clean-living croc." http://observer.guardian.co.uk/print/0,,330751326-102280,00.html
Thanks, JLO, for helping us keep our eyes on the prize!
Wow. We're cool!
Glad the money wasn't wasted on something frivolous like trying to get ourselves out of dead last/worst healthcare system of 19 developed nations studied. http://www.todayonline.com/articles/231138.asp
Thanks, stockholders! Well done! There's always room for profit in maintaining health.
As we are in a time of political change, please consider how the candidate you choose support plans to ensure quality, affordable healthcare for all. I really don't think bankruptcy or threatened lack of access to treatment should be one of the expected symptoms of any illness.
I'm really not a crank, I just like to rattle the cage every so often to say "What do you think? Do you think?" I say it as much to myself as to anyone in particular.
Thinking. It does a body good.
For some positive inspiration, check out for Divided We Fail, an initiative of AARP. http://www.aarp.org/issues/dividedwefail/
All are One. Put yourself in another's shoes. Compassion.
Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Jolly Festivus/Dandy Diwali/Groovy Eid and all that jazz! Wishes for a holiday with the love of family, extra fatty foods heartily enjoyed, and a few days of delicious sloth.
Here's a couple of pics of me at work--proof that I am working today, tomorrow and New Year's Eve, New Year's Day--something I have never done in a 25 year work history. At first it seemed odd to be working these days that I used to hold in such high reverence. Actually, I still hold them as such, as they symbolize for me, the best of family. But since family is in CT this year and I am here, I figured, why not work? The world keeps turning, and hotels never sleep. Ironic, huh? Kinda fun being cheerful and giving good customer service--those that it doesn't make suspicious really enjoy it. After work, my great friend Lynell and her hubby Ian have invited me (and Fugee!) to their home for a Slavic Christmas Eve dinner--looking forward to it. Friends are family, too.
Some of the sweetest memories I hold are of our Hermes' Christmases--Mom in constant song since Thanksgiving, decorating every ledge in our house with family treasures, many having seen better days maybe 50 years earlier, stuffing our faces with spritz camels and wreaths, chocolate logs with holly leaves, pecan balls, peppermint fondant that had the quality of candy cane Play Doh, homemade advent cards, an advent wreath with della robia fruit made the day President Kennedy was assassinated, precious styrofoam Aunt Dottie elves looking like they had been in a horrible ten sleigh pile up--missing limbs, eyes, feet, heads--but still magic.
So many memories, fun to recall. Flaming plum pudding that rarely lit the first time, served with a chorus of Deck the Halls, Oyster Stew, boring slide shows of the Holy Land narrated by our two hundred year old neighbor Edgar Brown, great conversations between the generations. Gay, Paul, Dickie, Jim, Grammie, Grampa, Mom and Dad. Scott & I getting to open one present Christmas Eve. Snoopy & Scamper with their Christmas bows. Hopmeadow Street was Christmas. Memories wrapped in a golden cast of nostalgia, many of the traditions non-repeatable, making them even more special.
So that is a lot of what Christmas was, but the Christmas is is just as beautiful, just different. I hope you have a chance to think back today to some of your special memories, your history a Christmas Present.
What do I wish for a New Year?
More time with family & friends. Being better about remaining in touch. Getting that marathon recap email out...
And for YOU, I wish abundance, amazing health, loads of laughter, love, peace. Okay, I wish it for me too.
Have a happy happy holiday.
Love
Craig n Fu
"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more"
“Happiness is only real when shared.” ~Christopher McCandless, "Into The Wild", an epiphany in the solitude of the Alaskan Wilderness just before starvation, death. Startling insights, baffling blindness coexisting in a single soul. I am that man. Enigma.
I think it's so uncanny how you find the message (which is always there, constantly being uttered) just when it is most needed. Perhaps it's more of a matter of finally recognizing, become aware of something that's always been there. I post a metaphysical/feelgood quote of the day at the hotel, and this was the first quote I came across when I did a quote search this morning. Those Tibetans have a simple, clear method for successful living, which includes a sense of humor, startling honesty and a rabid curiosity about how these flawed biomachines of ours tick. Here's the quote. Enjoy your stroll. "Autobiography in 5 chapters: 1. I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. 2. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. 3. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in.... it's a habit. My eyes are open, I know where I am. It IS my fault. I get out immediately. 4. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. 5. I walk down another street.
We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE. And this deep power in which we exist and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul" ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Over-Soul
Let’s create our future, one where all are given the opportunity to enjoy the same liberties, freedoms, rights and hopes. We create our reality.
I will follow with a quote from Burma’s heart and hope, Nobel Laureate Daw Aung San Suu Kyi. Kyi, a pro-democracy activist and leader of the National League for Democracy in Myanmar (Burma), is a noted prisoner of conscience and advocate of nonviolent resistance.
A Buddhist, Suu Kyi won the Rafto Prize and the Sakharov Prize for Freedom of Thought in 1990 and in 1991 was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her peaceful and non-violent struggle under a military dictatorship.
She is currently under detention and has been for over 4,300 days, with the Myanmar government repeatedly extending her detention. According to the results of the 1990 general election, Suu Kyi earned the right to be Prime Minister, as leader of the winning National League for Democracy party, but her detention by the military junta prevented her from assuming that role.
“We achieve everything by our efforts alone. Our fate is not decided by an almighty God. We decide our own fate by our actions. You have to gain mastery over yourself. . . . It is not a matter of sitting back and accepting.” ~Daw Aung San Suu Kyi (1945 - )
[Below is an email I sent out to my running partners in the marathon program. Enjoy, consider or delete.]
That was a great twenty miles on Saturday, folks. Ironic thing was as we were running through Duboce Triangle, I pointed out where I get my quarterly blood draw as a part of regular HIV monitoring healthcare. My insurance covers this routine blood draw, which without insurance, would cost over $700. Or so I thought until I got home from my run success.
Waiting for me?
A bill saying my claim was denied and my insurance was cancelled by Blue Shield, and I immediately owed the $700. Since I have lived in SF, I have been laid off three times, which has put me over $30,000 in debt trying to prevent just the situation I am currently going through. You see, with a preexisiting condition, if your insurance lapses, you are ineligible for future healthcare. So I have paid my COBRA, which is now over $600 a month so that i can prove continuance of care. So expensive that I can't afford the co-pays of going to the doctor. So, I guess the thing you direct the most attention trying to prevent can circle around and bite you in the ass anyhoo.
I was watching The Secret and it talks of the Law of Attraction. Did I draw this drama to me to learn some lesson? Was I exceptionally evil in the post-karma department? I don't think so. What I do believe is that it has been my calling to embody the legacy of Hermes the Messenger. I am here to remind people of personal responsibility and unconditional compassion. If my AIDS experience has increased awareness and access to treatment for others, then that is a good day.
Thank goodness for the great folks like Megan at AIDS Legal Referral Panel who are advocating my case, to Ellen at SFAF who got me on ADAP so my drug access won't be threatened, and to Peter at the Immune Enhancement Project, who has been helping me deal with this extraordinarily stressful situation through Eastern modalities like massage and acupuncture. It has all taken a toll and I am getting sick--I can feel it moving into my chest. But I am willing myself better to run with the Bridge to Bridge crew on Sunday. (Where we meeting up?)
All of this is not to say, "Woe is me..." it is to say how vitally necessary your funds and awareness you are raising are. You are outstanding, you have changed the world, and I am honored to run amongst you. Thank you for sharing of your passions, your selves.
On an unrelated note, check out this clip. Anyone wanna join me for one? Delicious! http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/player.jhtml?ml_video=103115&is_large=true
My old roommie Nona sent me this. While not usually one to forward email stories (I like to find my own absurdities in life...), I loved this story and the closing message about the path. And having life define your family. Beautiful.
enjoy. cgh
*_*_*_*_*_*_
There is much to be learned from our animal brethren. Life without prejudice, presumption or filters, a life lived in the present, meaningful and with love.
Hippopotamus and the Tortoise
'Much of life can never be explained but only witnessed.'- Rachel Naomi Remen, MD
NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa, officials said.
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.
'It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother',' ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP.
'After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond.'
'They swim, eat and sleep together,' the ecologist added.
'The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it followed its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother,' Kahumbu added.
'The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years,' he explained.
'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away.'
This is a real story that shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another.
We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures of God,
'Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.'
Save the Earth... it's the only planet with chocolate...
Here's an email to my pace group folks. It was a great day.
Lena-
Thanks for your email. And curse you for mentioning cheeseburgers and fries which made me walk an extra 25 yards today. How could you?
I love our pace group(s). It's funny, I think it's something about the 11:30ers. My last training group of Switzers 5 years ago were also uniquely connected and enthusiastic. Can I say that was a pretty phenomenal smorgasbord we put together? Well done, people.
So--today was hard for me. I wanted to stop at mile 12 but forced myself into being present, thinking of each interval as a mini-accomplishment. It was no longer, "What the f--- four more miles?" but, "Thank God we'll be walking in 1:29...". The energy of being a training group carried me farther than I ever would have gone alone.
Thankful for the downhills, the conversations, the pretzels and pickles. For Lena's effortless looking gate and perky ponytail which made me smile and keep running. For Tino's good sense to listen to his body. For Amy's kind ear, Allison & Veronica's leadership and organizational skills. For Santosh's donation of a PowerBar. For Jonathan's water stop. For all the money we've raised. And awareness. And hope we've created.
And thanks, Switzer As, for slowing down a bit for me at the end. And thank you, Craig's unreasonable ego, for letting me take the extra walk intervals I needed. I've come to the very real conclusion that the ego is an asshole. Sorry about the language. I was starting to beat myself up. Why? Because I walked a few more minutes than planned? But this event is not about me. I will strive to adhere to one of my favorites of the Four Agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz, Always Do Your Best. How can you be disappointed if you've done your best?
I will leave you with two things. First, a movie we should see. We'll relate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MufrX254PQc
And second, I listened, truly listened to a song I had been aware of your a couple of years but never really paid attention to. With my day being a mixture of accomplishment, fatigue, frustration and expectation, the lyrics really resonated. I will be present, releasing the expectation of outcome and watch the story unfold, grateful, fascinated.
Listening to this again, I admit I cried.
"I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten The rest is still unwritten The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah"
Here is a version of Natasha Bedingfield's song being done as a duet with Esmee Denters, an 18 girl from Holland--she's amazing.
"Careful reflection of the barnacles and lead in one's life, when buffed through sorrow, joy and experience, reveal the nacre and gold that was always there. This is life as Alchemy."
your typical/atypical, HIV positive-, Weimaraner owning-, Gemini
Scorpio rising-, cynical optimist-, world traveling-, funny/serious-,
extroverted introvert. I embrace life fully and powerfully, live
responsibly in the present, have left jobs of importance for calls to
the road. I've raised almost 100,000 dollars for AIDS and wildlife
causes, ridden bikes in Montana, California, Alaska, Laos, Burma,
climbed Kilimanjaro, sat with mountain gorillas, seen a tiger on
foot, a leopard, been charged by rhinos in Nepal, I've laughed in
Burma, had malaria in India, dived with whale sharks in Thailand,
met the Dalai Lama, Stevie Nicks, Elizabeth Montgomery, Bill
Clinton, Yul Brenner, Carol Channing,
Michu-the world's smallest man, The Cure, Smashing Pumpkins,
Beck. What have I learned? I know nothing and everything.
Family and personal growth are my greatest joys.
At times my dog can smell like an old shoe.
